I know that I'm personally in a place right now where I'm completely immersed in 'little kid' culture. Our lives, to a large extent revolve around a three year old and a six month old, and I spend a lot of time thinking about and participating in my kids lives. What's the best food for them, should they be having more play dates, and just what is going on in their little heads? I really wish I could see the world how they do. And I try to make an effort, especially in moments of stress for them to try and imagine what they are feeling. I'm not saying that I'm an exceptionally empathetic person, but I am their mom, and just really want what's best for them.
But I would think that its obvious even if you are not a 'little kid person' that threatening to take away what is clearly a child's favourite toy could not possibly be perceived by that child as a joke.
Do you know what I'm talking about? Its this oddly common little song and dance that some misguided adults do with little kids (especially really little kids) that just baffles me every time. Though it probably baffles my kid more.
For example, you're waiting in a doctors office. Your son has brought his favourite bear/truck/digger along with him for amusement and comfort, and the friendly old guy sitting next to you smiles broadly and starts chatting with you. You want to be polite, and teach your child how to interact with people, so you chat along. And because your child is three and a little shy of strangers, which is totally reasonable, you end up answering most of the questions yourself. Yes, we're seeing the doctor today. Thank you, they are nice sunglasses. Yes, we sure do get a lot of compliments on his hair. But he's a nice old guy, and your child sees that this situation is ok, you can trust people, so when the old guy says "What a nice digger you have there. Can I see it?" your son trustingly hands it over so that this new person can see his digger. After all, you've been working on 'sharing' since before he could speak. He knows how this is supposed to work. You hand over your toy to the other kid, he perhaps shares a toy with you in return, and in a relatively short period of time, he's supposed to give it back. But this old dude has another idea. He's a funny old guy remember? He fancies himself good with kids. So, with a big stagey wide eyed smile he goes "Wow, I like this digger! I think I'll take it home with me." And begins the exaggerated pantomime of putting it in his pocket.
What the...? Can you imagine what the kid is thinking and feeling in this moment? Really the world is just too cruel.
Never mind that this guy's pocket is obviously way too small. Or that he's clearly too big to play with toys. Or that a sane and rational person would never actually take the proverbial candy from the literal baby. As far as a three year old's reality goes, he doesn't get that this guy is 'kidding' or bluffing or whatever it is he thinks he's doing. I have seen this play itself out many, many times, and the little kid never, NEVER slaps his leg and guffaws, or shoots little vegas-y finger guns at the guy and says "oh mister, you got me there! Har, har, har!" Because he's THREE ya'll! He hasn't been here as long as the rest of us. He's still getting the hang of the culture and sometimes its just really, really weird.
Really, its ridiculous how often adults do this. And not just old guys. I don't mean to 'profile' this kind of behaviour too much. One of the first times I remember it happening was when the Little Dude had croup and we had to take him to the hospital for a special medication. It was pretty stressful, he was really sick, we'd been up all night and here we are in the wee hours of the morning after sitting in the emergency room, finally getting the medicine to get his poor wheezy little breathing back to normal. On our way out the door I'd grabbed a toy out of the closet, one that I'd bought in advance of his birthday because it was so perfect (wooden digger toy, chunky and blue) but decided to give it to him early to take the edge off a tough day and give him some fun at the hospital. He'd had it for under a half an hour and was tired and wary of all the staff. Not many smiles. So when the nice young lady who was working in his ward came to talk to him, it was lovely to see him warm up to her right away. And then she pulled the "Can I see your toy" trick! I couldn't believe it! I remember thinking "lady, it is the thin veneer of civility that keeps me from pinching you really hard right now, and you better be thankful for it!"
Anyhow, my point with this rambling little rant is DON'T DO THIS. Kids don't find it funny! You'd find it kind of threateneing if someone did this to you right? Imagine you're on the subway and a stranger says "What're you reading? Oh, can I read the blurb on the back cover. Hunh, that sounds really good. I think I'll keep this." You'd be pissed righ? Duh.
To the Little Dude's eternal credit, he stays fairly calm in these moments. He's a 'low reactor' and has a long fuse, so I know if I step in and say "Don't be silly, stranger-guy, you're not going to keep our digger!" He'll be fine, and they'll hand his digger back. Though I would totally not blame him one little bit if he lost his shit. And after repeated experience with this little charade, he knows now that he's supposed to say, "No, you're not going to keep my digger!" With a sort of air of scoffing disbelief. At which point the joker protests a bit and then gives it back.
But seriously, why do people do this? Is it a total lack of empathy? Do they really think its funny? I'm mostly confused by it, but have been noticing lately how often people do it. Its so weird. What do you think though? Do you see this often? Do tell.