those were the best cookies ever and now I feel terrible.

So in a fit of self-indulgence combined with trying to be thrifty, (you know, instead of buying them. That's how its thrifty.) I baked myself cookies tonight, and I think it may have been a bad idea. I have this lovely pinterest board full of recipes that I cannot bake because they aren't wheat free/dairy free, so I decided to indulge myself and bake tonight. Yeah, bake for fun, like I used to. It was such a- I don't know, is 'relief' the right word? - to get out a pound of butter and the dusty old jar of flour and just do it. Without thinking too much or substituting or second guessing. I just slapped that shit together, following the recipe just as it was written and -boom- cookies. Sigh. It made me feel kind of sad. Or maybe that's just my sugar crash talking. I made these Soft Brown Sugar Cookies with Browned Butter Icing (but I think they should be called 'cakies' not 'cookies' because they had a very cake-like texture). I tasted one before I had the icing on it, and I was all like, "meh, not that awesome." I mean they're sweet and tasty and all, but they are not blowing my mind. And then I put the icing on them AND THEY BLEW MY MIND. They did indeed melt in my mouth just as the website promised. In fact they were so good it made me kind of mad. You know why? Because I have not been able to make a cookie that good in a looooong time. And also, I can't make a cookie that good for the Little Dude ever. I was telling Hubs this, and he said "But why?" and I said "Because....butter!" He said I needed at t-shirt that said that. And its true, that is totally my t-shirt. But while that's funny and all, really it just makes me kind of sad/angry that my kid lives in a world without butter. A Gluten Free/Dairy Free/Peanut Free world of allergy caution. A world of dry crumbly baking that's always just a little too.... sandy to be awesome. A world where I have to bake cookies like these at night after he's in bed because it would just be cruel to make them when he was around and couldn't eat them. Because he would have loved these cookies. LOVED them. He would eat one and get that big smile and then jump up and run over and hug me and....sigh. Ok, its probably at least a good thing that we are not creating a relationship where food means love, but still, BOY do I hope this is one of those allergies that he's going to 'outgrow'. Does that really happen? I'm doubtful, but so many people tell me they knew someone who had a dairy allergy and somehow magically they outgrew it. 

Ok, I'm going to take my sugar hangover (because I ate, like eight of those tasty little mofos.) The only thing I can say in my defense is that I left them on the kitchen table so every time I wanted one I had to get up from the couch upstairs where I was folding laundry and walk all the way down the stairs and across the kitchen to get another one. So at least I was kind of exercising while I was binge eating. Right? 

Anyhow, if you can eat wheat and dairy you should try those cookies. And if you can't eat wheat and diary, you should avoid those cookies. Not just because they are full of flour and sugar, but 'cause those cookies will break your heart. 

 

Comments

[Steph]

Take heart: the allergies can go away when they're older. My niece was badly allergic to wheat and dairy and now she's not anymore. It wasn't till she hit her early teens, mind you, but still. Everyone is different.

Usually allergies and intolerances are a result of an overactive immune system, often but not always because they're fed these things too early. Depending on what it is, sometimes vaccines cause it. Kids' immune systems aren't fully formed till they're about 7, so in the meantime their poor little bodies are fighting these things they can't digest well. In any case, because you're dealing with it, his gut will heal, the food won't enter his bloodstream (that happens when you can't digest the food; it enters your bloodstream and causes your immune system to try and develop antibodies since it's foreign, and allergies develop), and his immune system is less compromised. Probiotics help, too.

Working at a naturopathic clinic, I learned a few things. Of course, you may already know all this!

[Karen]

Sorry, my dairy allergies only got worse with age, but I don't miss butter or other dairy products at all. To me, they are poison, along with wheat and other stuff. Have you tried baking with coconut oil? There's a gluten free-vegan cupcake place (Kindfood) in Burlington that may blow your socks off and convince you that allergy baking can be delicious. Also, Babycakes in New York City is pretty darn awesome. There is a Babycakes cookbook in case you can't get to NYC any time soon. =)

I wonder if L.D. has low stomach acid. Recently I learned that I do and that I inherited this from my dad's side of the family. Who knows, this could be contributing to L.D.'s allergies??

[Marcia Van Drunen]

I have read numerous things where folks who could not handle store dairy could totally tolerate ... raw milk. Whole raw milk. It's available around here if you buy a cow share, but not at a store or anything. There's a tonne of info out there how the processing of milk totally changes what we're drinking. Anyhoo, just a tidbit. And the folks who buy raw milk make their own butter (like I did when I was a kid!). I grew up with raw milk, our own cow, and making butter. Some day ... I would LOVE to get back to that. Just my 2 cents.

[Marja]

Ach, yes. Heartbreaking cookies. It is definitely possible that he will outgrow--equally possible that he won't. Also possible is that he decides that his allergy symptoms are worth living with as long as he gets the butter and sugar and nuts . . . this is my scenario. I live with excess phlegm, bad asthma, skin rashes and itchy everything so that I can eat the things I want to eat. Like apples. And berries. And almonds. And wheat. And so that I can have a dog. Because it's worth it to me. But that will be his decision, someday. In the meantime, you are the best mom for doing what is best for him--and keep in mind that he doesn't miss the dairy, wheat and nuts as they are not part of his regular life. So HIS precious heart is still intact!

[finger thumb]

Thank you all SO MUCH for your kind and helpful comments. Its true, he doesn't know (much) about butter, and so does not miss it. But he remembers cheese, and that is also heartbreaking. He asks me "mom, can you go to the store and buy that kind of good cheese that does not have dairy in it?" Yeah, how do I tell him that cheese does not exist. Anyhow, I'm going to look into raw milk, a good naturopath who maybe specializes in allergies, and stomach acidity. All good tips. And yeah Mar, I'm sure when he is a teenager and has more agency/choice about his foods (and he doesn't live in the mom bubble any more) he'll probably make choices to include some of the things he's allergic to in his diet. Already, on 'special days' we ignore the non-life threatening allergies. Like, obviously he can never have peanuts, but on Thanksgiving I go right ahead and give him a big 'ole slice of GranGran's pumpkin pie. Because there is nothing like it, and he is not Celiac, so it just means a bit of extra rash/congestion and seems worth it for the pie.

Anyhow, you all are awesome for the kind words and support. Thanks so much for reading and commenting. You're the best.

[jake moore]

http://abirdinthekitchen.com/home/2012/5/24/whats-the-best-vegannon-dairy-cheese.html