homecoming

Hi! Here I am, I'm back. Sorry I was gone so long, but I appreciate it that you've come back to see if I was here again. And yes, to state the obvious one more time, I am. 

It was nice to have a break though. Not from blogging. I enjoy blogging and could do it pretty much every day. But it was nice to have a break from, well, my day to day life. A little break from the same daily routine. A break from thinking up what to cook and then, you know, having to cook it. And a break from, dare I say it, parenting. 

And now that I have said it, I have to do what every mother (and father probably) feels they have to do when they say that they enjoy time away from their children. I have to equivocate. I have to assure you that I love my children. No really, they are the best thing in my life. Of course I would do anything in the world for them.... etcetera, etcetera. And its all true, it really is. But what is also pretty aparent is that I sometimes, need just a leetle time away from them. 

And not just them, but also, the laundry and the housework and did I mention the food prep?And you know what else would be nice? Some alone time with my husband. Just him and I and nobody else who needs our attention. No phones, no computers, no toddlers. 

So that is what I did. I went away for a week with my husband. And it was lovely. We ate food that someone else cooked. We slept for as long as we wanted to. We wore impractical clothing and shoes (or at least I did. That's more my thing than his.) We went for walks. We had conversations with each other. We saw new things. We met nice people. Then we ate some more food. And all in all it was lovely. 

But let me tell you what the best part was. 

The best part was coming home. The very, very best part of my entire vacation was driving up our snowbank lined driveway and seeing the warmth and light glowing out of the windows like a beacon. Its not like I felt guilty about leaving the kids, or missed them so much when I was a way from them that I could not enjoy myself. Nope. Did not feel guilty at all. We left them in very good hands (GranGran and Grandpapa's) and I had a fantastic holiday. But even so, Hubs and I practically raced each other up the walk to the door, and then rang the bell and knocked simultaneously, pressing our faces against the bevelled glass like trick or treaters at Hallowe'en. The door was thrown open to us and I cannot tell you how my heart swelled to see that little curly blond-haired boy jump down from his seat at the dinner table and run to us. Seeing the look on his face when he realized that it was us that he was coming to greet was like Christmas morning wrapped in bacon. The Baby was soon to follow (as he had a higher chair to climb down from) and oh the hugs! Oh the kisses! The way they bobbed back and forth between us to get another hug and another kiss and just one more hug again. And talk about a 'joyful noise'. Now I know exactly what that means. At one point, Hubs was kneeling on the ground with an arm around each of them and he was doing that laugh-cry thing that he does that I love so much. Just the happy overwhelming emotion of it all, where you don't know whether to weep or cheer so you do a bit of both. And my sweet Mom and Dad who had stayed with and cared for our little boys so well for the whole week, just standing there, hugging each other and smiling to beat the band and crying a little too. Oh, it was the best. Just the best. And for once, I who am so keen to capture the moment, don't care a whit that I haven't got any pictures of our homecoming to post here with these words. Because we were all of us, so very completely wrapped up in the moment that it did not even occur to me to think of having a camera ready. 

And obviously the moral of the story is that you need to go away sometimes, from the people you love, just to know how much you'll miss them. Day in, day out, even with your favourite people in the world, (and probably especially with your children) can numb you to the magnitude of your own love for them. Even today, as I made oatmeal and sat beside the potty and chased and wrangled those little boys who I care for every day, it just felt, more... precious. I stopped what I was doing more often to just watch them and be more conscious of their loveliness, and I basked a little more in my role as their mom. Just an extra moment to smooth that silky baby hair down and tuck it behind his ear. Just a little bit more attention to the long lego-related anecdote. Just a tiny bit more patience with the shenanigans during the pre-dinner hour. And yes, today I will drop what I am doing to read you that story book. Because today, I am here with you, and today I can. 

Comments

[Marcia Van Drunen]

LOVE. 'tis all.

[Leni]

Oh, the love in one's heart for one's children!! Nothing compares! God has been good!

[Steph]

Oh my goodness, what a beautiful post. It's almost Dickensian, that description of you coming home.