Yeah, its been like that. A hard day. And after my hard day, I headed off to the mall for an evening of work. Which was kind of a relief after other stuff. And on my way into work I ran into a friend and she asked how I was, and I didn't feel like lying, so I said it had been a hard day and that I was not feeling great. "Oh" she said "What kind of hard? Kids hard? Husband hard?" And I am happy to say that it was neither. One of the best moments of my day was sitting by the fire and nursing the Baby. And Hubs had been a brick; such a great support today. So on the family front all is well, and that means a lot. No, it was just one of those days where I did not have enough. Enough patience. Enough knowledge. Enough strength. One of those days where the mundane challenges of life that everyone deals with at some point or another just piled up and were just plain too much for me to handle. So basically the good news is that my kids love me, my husband loves me, its just my computer that hates me.
I'm not going to get into it, because really its too boring for words and if I have to explain the blow-by-blow of my computer issues ONE MORE TIME today (as I have already explained it to a variety of technical support people over the phone) I will loose. my. mind. And as it is I have very little mind left to work with. Let just say that it may be awhile before you get to see any pretty pictures of pretty things around this blog. It seems like a small thing, I know, but it has bigger ramifications for me that again, I don't want to get into. Too boring unless it affects you, which gladly, it does not.
Anyhow, after hours and hours of tinkering and downloading and tech support and failure, failure, failure ("why must I fail at every attempt at masonry!") I gave up. I was going to have to leave for work in an hour anyways, and I needed to scrape together what little shred of sanity I had left in order to be functional. And so I turned to that which always helps me in times of trouble.
I had cleaned up my studio area due to the birthday hoopla of the weekend, but like a junkie digging for that last fix I dragged out my boxes of scrap and some scissors and started cutting and sewing and making. And oh, and it felt good! Because despite all that was lacking today, you know what is always enough? Brightly patterned fabric is always enough. Design and colour and print is always enough. And for all the things I don't know about computers, the antidote is everything I do know about making stuff. I can cut a shape and sew a seam and it always makes sense. And as I pushed around the pretty bits of colour and shape I smiled to myself and thought of one of my favourite quotes about craft. It is attributed to a woman known now only as "Aunt Cynthy" who was interviewed for a source called "The Craftsman" in the early 1900's. And what she says about quilting, about the process of making something real and satisfying and concrete with her hands speaks to me so strongly.
"I'd rather piece as eat, and I'd rather patch as piece, but I take natcherally delight in quiltin'....Whenst I war a new-married woman with the children round my feet, hit 'peared like I'd git so wearied I couldn't take delight in nothing; and I'd git ill to my man and the children, and what do you reckon I done them times? I just put down the breeches I was patchin' and tuk out my quilt squar'. Hit was better than prayin', child, hit was reason."
Reason. So true. It was all I wanted today. Just a little reason. And I found it in the form of fabric and stitches.